so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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