i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
