I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
