This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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