i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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