I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
