The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
