My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
