Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
