I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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