i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
