I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Randomize
