Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
