Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
