what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
