honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
