At least make sure they are 18
Why
That's intense
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
