I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
