my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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