I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
