I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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