then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
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First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
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There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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