So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
