Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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