He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
