her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
