I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
