I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
