Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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