I just saw a hot homeless man
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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