She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
