somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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