if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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