Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
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he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
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Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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