I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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