dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
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and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
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So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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