Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
