WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
