Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Let's paint friendship bongs
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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