need another drink. this is the easiest way
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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