Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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