Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
