OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
