We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize