I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just cut my nipple shaving
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
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He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
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My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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