exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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