We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
