I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
