Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
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I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
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I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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