I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
