I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
