If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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