Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
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i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
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You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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