Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
