whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
