Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
