you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
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