I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
