It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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