shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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