Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
