Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
