wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
