there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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