I wish my penis had an off switch
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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