Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
