So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
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