where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
