dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Fuck me I smell like cheese
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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