cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
