I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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