I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.