I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.