they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Let's get the cat blown out
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
