Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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