I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
false alarm. still invincible.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
