That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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