U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
grandma shit on top of the toilet
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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